Sixcycle

The true form of acceptance is when you finally realize there is nothing left to face but a broken heart. No more anger, no more demand of sincere apology, no more needs of an explanation, because nothing left worth to argue. Only that feeling when you know you've left alone to fix mess you didn't do. Only that feeling when you fake a smile, no worries i'm fine, but you're not. That feeling when you take the blame so everyone in the room is happy, and you slip out the door crying unnoticed. That feeling when you sit by the window staring at the sky, stop asking why, and know that all the feels you're feeling are valid, doesn't really matter anymore what their reason is.

A friend of mine used to tell me not to ever forgive people who have taken us for granted. They apologize only because they feel bad to themself, but they will never ever change the way they see us. Once you're a flaw, you're a flaw. Your forgiveness and attention is too easy and cheap for them and it's never gonna change.

Now i think she's right.

There's a difference between forgiveness, acceptance, and letting go. We can apologize for hundreds time, think we're sorry, and still have the same point of view. But you can only  sorry when you change the way you see everything. When you know you have no excuse left to justify anything but the word sorry.

Yeah, we can be that shallow, "good" people who sees the world in black and white, always have the white on us to excuse, and the black on people to blame. We love to see ourself as a good persona, putting up "good" and "bad" label to people using ourself as the standard of the good, and ended up being judgemental. We can be those people who try to change other people into what we think is good and right.

Or we can be that person who wonder, is there anyone in the world really want to be a bad people? Is there any kid dreaming of being a criminal? Are prostitute really wants to be a prostitute? Are people really want to be a drunk and abusive, or is there any cheater cheats only for fun? No. There's always an excuse for everything, a reason behind everything, we all know that. 

And sometimes i wonder, why should people still excuse in their apology when we already know they have reasons and nobody really means to do bad things, but they still did it anyway? Why people still using logic to justify on the feeling things?

If the word nobody in the phrase "nobody is perfect" really means nobody including ourself, then why we still think we're a good people who deserves the best? Why we compare fresh apple with the one we've bitten? Why even we compare at all? None of us really think ourself is a bad person, but do good people really think that they're a good person? Who are we, to decide what is good and what is bad? All we know is we can never do what we dont want people to do to us.

And about letting go, we all know, nothing is really gone from our memory. We forget, but it will always come up from time to time.