Between Conscious and Subconscious

"Do you know why i choose Turkey?
Because i did the ****** in Turkey
I need to confront all the fear, the sadness, the guilt
Been six years, but somehow the scars stay"

A good friend of mine has just tell me a horrible story of her life. I knew she has problem with self-harm, but i didn't know how it started, until today. It didn't come just like that. It started with a little mistake, followed by more and more panic decisions, and somehow it ended up with something her consciousness cant handle. Things became absurd and the post-traumatic stress has slowly changed her life. Borderline personality disorder started to creep her mind, that i-dont-want-to-be-in-this-world-anymore thoughts made her cut her veins, overdosed sleeping pills, etc.

I remember it about 6 years ago she told me a little about what had been happened in her life, just before that Turkey incident but i just didn't believe it and turned out she told me it was a joke. Now i heard the full story i just somehow think how careless i was not to read the signs that she needed help. She was happy once, but yes, a little mistake on a fine day and some impulsive decisions can change someone's life. She was a victim, and now she has to bear the consequence of someone's irresponsible act forever.

We can say we can take care of our self, we think we know what is right and what is wrong, but there's no logic in that thin space between conscious and subconscious. So take care of what you do. You never know whose life you'll change, what depression you'll give to them, and if their consciousness can handle it. Once a trauma settles in minds, it stays.

"I thought, without looking back and throw the key away, it would solved the problems
But it's not, it stays hidden inside, subconsciously.
It make things worse
I'll come back to Turkey, i want to be able to look at my past peacefully"

She was victim. Glad to know she now choose to be survivor.